


let your heart be light

by calvinahobbes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:36:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21771121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: Phil loves Christmas, and Dan doesn't want to ruin that for him.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 13
Kudos: 129
Collections: PhanWorksChallenge - Advent 19 Fest





	let your heart be light

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, ahappyphil, for holding my hand through the whole frenzied writing of this thing as well as beta'ing it!
> 
> Written for @phanworkschallenge advent 19 fest on tumblr.

It starts well before December. 

Phil is babbling excitedly about Christmas early in November. It's generally not hard for Dan to let himself be swept up in Phil's excitement about anything, but he must admit he had thought that maybe some of Phil's childlike excitement was mostly for show. 

He certainly isn't as kooky and energised all the time as his videos would have it seem. Sometimes he's quiet, voice a low hum, brows furrowed in annoyance, a hard set to his mouth. Dan is okay with that. Lord knows he's not a ray of sunshine all the time either. But apparently Phil's love of Christmas is genuine and not part of his AmazingPhil persona.

And so maybe sometimes Dan thinks of it as being swept up when lesser people might call it lying. He's okay with that too. If they had the attention of someone as beautiful and wonderful as Phil Lester, he'd bet they would feel the need to do the same thing occasionally. 

So when Phil says, "Oh my god, Christmas is exactly one month away now, aren't you excited!?" it's not really dishonest for Dan to laugh along and say that he is very excited.

And when Phil says, "What kind of chocolate calendar d'you want? I think I want a Kinder one this year, last year I had a crap one my mum got at ASDA, and I definitely want something that doesn't taste like cardboard again," of course Dan is going to agree with him about the superiority of Kinder chocolates and not mention the fact that he hasn't had any kind of advent calendar since he was thirteen.

He kind of forgets all about it until it's December first and he's at Phil's house. 

Phil is bouncing excitedly on him - but not in a fun, sexy way, only a really annoying knees-in-kidneys kind of way - and jostling him awake very rudely. 

"Dandandandan wake up, happy December first!" he says and jostles Dan some more.

Dan groans and tries to orient himself but only finds Phil's toothy grin hanging above him, so he smiles and huffs a laugh and pulls him down for a slightly gross morning kiss. 

Phil soon pulls back though, rudely yanking the covers off him and exposing his chest to the cold air of the bedroom. "Come on, let's open our calendars!"

Dan sits up and rubs at his face. Then he freezes. "Wot?"

"Our chocolate calendars! Didn't you bring yours? I told you to remember to bring yours so we could open them together." Phil is up and moving across the small expanse of floor to get his calendar from the desk, and Dan has a slight moment to panic. Phil turns with the Kinder calendar in his hands and looks at Dan. "Oh my god, did you actually forget?"

"Uh, yeah," Dan says sheepishly. 

"I asked you like three times," Phil says, and he sounds genuinely sad for Dan.

"Forgot to pack it, I guess." It's not exactly a lie anyway. He only forgot to pack it because he forgot to buy it, naively thinking Phil wasn't actually being serious.

"Oh no!" Phil says sadly. He looks down at the calendar in his hand. "I guess maybe we can share mine?"

Dan's stomach does something. It's some complicated dance, equal parts guilt and surprise and all-encompassing affection. Phil is always so fucking _sweet_. He gets up and pulls Phil into a hug, which seems to take him by surprise.

"You don't have to share your chocolates with me, Phil. It's okay."

Phil slumps in far too obvious relief and slings his arms around Dan. The advent calendar is cold against his skin. "Maybe we can get you one if we go shopping," Phil mumbles against the naked skin of his shoulder.

Dan shivers and presses himself up against Phil. He's wearing PJs, and the fabric is soft, Phil warm and lean beneath them. "Don't be silly. Then I'd have two," he lies easily.

"You could keep one here. I could help you keep up to date with it."

Dan pulls away, tugging a bit harshly on Phil's hair. "Oh, you'd help, would you?" 

Phil hisses a bit but grins down his nose at him. 

"You're a menace," Dan says and lets go so Phil can bury his grin back in his shoulder.

*

A lot happens during that week at Phil's house, and mostly Dan is busy being continuously bowled over by all these new feelings and experiences to think much about the fact that it's December.

But Phil isn't letting Christmas go. He's been moaning about how impossible it is to get any proper wishes out of his dad for the past twenty minutes. At least the shopping worries is something Dan can join in on without any pretence. Only more because he really doesn't have any money to buy presents with than because he can't think of things to get people. 

"Anyway, what do _you_ want for Christmas, baby?" Phil says and twists his head at him, a soft gooey smiley on his face.

Dan looks at his grainy image on the laptop screen and makes a face. "I don't know, are we doing the whole presents thing?" he asks.

"Of course we are, silly!" Phil says immediately, and then as soon as he's finished that sentence: "I mean, that is, I just thought--"

The look of panic on his face makes something sting inside Dan's chest, and he can't even let him finish his sentence.

"Phil. Of course we are. I was joking."

"Oh!" Phil smiles beatifically at him. "So what's on your wish list, Howell?" he says, laying on the Northern accent.

"Hmm, I dunno, does it have to be something from a store?" Dan teases.

Phil sits up slightly, that familiar look on his face, and Dan only barely suppresses a giggle over how easy he is sometimes. "I suppose it doesn't," he says, voice slightly deeper than before. "Although maybe that could be a bonus present."

"Mmm, any cap on how many bonus presents I can wish for?" Dan says and bites his lip suggestively. They're hardly even talking about it, but he's already feeling that familiar stirring in his groin.

"Nope," Phil breathes. "You can have as many bonuses as you want. What did you have in mind?"

They forget about wish lists after that. 

But the anxiety lingers long after they've said goodnight and ended the Skype call. Dan has no idea what Phil even expects from him. He knows Phil has a lot of warm feelings for holidays in general and likes to mark special occasions. As opposed to Phil, Dan has actually had a significant other to buy both Christmas and birthday presents for before. But unlike his past girlfriend, Dan doesn't think Phil would particularly appreciate a pretty necklace. 

What would even be an appropriate present at this point in their relationship? Surely jewellery is right out. And even though they already steal each other's clothes, he can't imagine actually buying Phil something. A book is just boring, even if it would somehow turn out to be the best book Phil has ever read. 

And then there's the eternal problem of money. If only money weren't an issue, surely there would be loads of great options for Dan to get Phil. He tosses and turns for ages that night.

*

The truth is that Christmas is fraught for Dan for a whole host of reasons. 

As he has grown older, he supposes he's just come to realise that December is the time for a lot of worry. 

When he was a kid, he could just enjoy the sweets and special Christmas cartoons and look forward to seeing what Santa had brought him. Once he realised how much all of that, the food and the presents, was tied up in being able to afford it in the first place… it just put a damper on things. 

Christmas is only really fun if you have money.

And that's exactly the problem. Because it means he has admit to himself that his mum is right about something. Like when she gets going on one of those rants about the commercialisation of Christmas and how people shouldn't use arbitrary holidays as excuses to show their family and friends that they are loved. Of course she only ever does that when Adrian is not around to hear. But if nana is around all the better, it seems, because it will spur her into her own rant about the true message of the coming of Christ.

Apart from that it's just a lot of fake cheer. There's loads of talk of how to make the yuletide gay, but really it's just a very stressful time. Everyone is worried and up on their high horses and still in the end there will be the same old roast and the same old extravaganza of presents on the 25th. 

If everyone didn't set up all these arbitrary rules for themselves, like how much food they'd have to cook and how many perfect presents they'd have to get, they'd probably be happier.

At least that's what he thinks until he goes back to Phil's house for the second time in December. 

*

When Dan and Phil make it downstairs for breakfast, Kathryn is bustling around the fragrant kitchen, preparing a number of different cakes and cookies. 

"Ah, there you are, sleepy-heads," she says. "You lot can hang around for a bit and help me."

She sets them up by the kitchen table, rolling out dough and stencilling gingerbread men.

"You won't make us decorate them, will you, mum?" Phil whines and sounds like a 7-year-old.

"Lord no, I want people to actually eat them!" Kathryn laughs. "Are you any good at decorating, then, Daniel?"

Dan gives her his best school pupil's face and says, "The worst."

"Aye, I thought so," she says, but gives him a mischievously knowing wink. It's moments like these that Dan can see where Phil gets some of his charm. 

She plonks down another ball of delicious-smelling dough on the floury table for them.

"How many kinds of cookies are you making?" Phil says, same whine as before. He breaks off a tiny piece of raw dough and eats it. Dan gives him a horrified face of disgust and Phil has the good grace to look a bit embarrassed.

"Oh, shush, you! I just want to be in good time for when everyone comes here on the 26th. Some of these'll have to keep, you know," she says, wagging a finger at Phil.

It's a level of planning and foresight that Dan has never really been privy to before. He supposes something similar has been going on with his nana and mum on occasion, but they've certainly never included him in any of it. 

He laughs and says, "You better hide them behind lock and key, then!"

"Hey," Phil pouts, but there's a conceding tone to his voice.

"Oh, I will," Kathryn says, even though Dan strongly suspects she will do no such thing.

There's a bustle at the kitchen door then, and Phil's dad comes in. 

"Alright?" Nigel says amiably and shuffles in to kiss Kathryn on the cheek. There's something effortless and loving about the way they are with each other that Dan is frankly unfamiliar with. Compared to Phil's parents, his own act like strangers around each other.

"I don't suppose the two of you would help me get the tree in?" Nigel asks them, to which Phil immediately groans theatrically. "Won't take a moment."

"Phil," Kathryn says sadly. "I know you're busy with all that YouTube stuff. But it's Christmas soon!" She turns to Dan. "We usually put the tree up on the first, but we weren't home then, and we've just been so busy since we got back."

Dan almost blushes at the thought of all the things that happened here while Kathryn and Nigel were away last, so he says, "We can help set it up."

"You're just being nice so she'll give you more cookies," Phil teases. 

Dan ignores him, because it would probably be more accurate to say that he is being nice because they're Phil's parents. Or maybe, a tiny voice suggests, he is actually a bit caught up in all this holiday cheer.

They get dressed quickly and join Phil's dad outside, where it turns out that the tree has already been cut down and transported home. It has been waiting in the shed to go in the house. All they need to do is hold it while Nigel mounts it on the foot, and then they easily drag it inside to the living room.

"There," Kathryn says, having come out from the kitchen to survey their journey through the sunroom to the lounge. "That's a beautiful tree. Oh, but it's bad luck to have it standing around all undecorated like that, surely!"

"I knew it!" Phil shouts. "I knew there was a catch! Mum, we have serious business to attend to!"

He really is absolutely exaggerating, but Dan watches in slightly embarrassed fascination at the family feud about to unfold. 

Kathryn tuts in a very mum-like way, and says, in a voice dripping with parental disappointment. "Christmas is certainly serious business, too. Don't you want the house to look nice when there's company over?"

"Mum!" Phil says, despairingly.

"You love decorating the tree!" Kathryn argues.

"Yeah, but we have plans," Phil says through slightly gritted teeth, shooting a look at Dan.

"It's alright, Phil. I love decorating the tree, too, you know," he says to Kathryn. He turns back to Phil. "It'll be fun."

Phil gives him an evaluative look. "You sure?"

"Yeah! That other stuff can wait," Dan says and waves his hand as if he is shucking off something annoying and unimportant. 

Suddenly Phil's face splits into a huge grin. "Alright. It is gonna be fun. We get to decide what goes on, though!" he says to Kathryn. "You can't just come in and tell us what to do. We have full creative control."

"Fine." Kathryn gives Dan a very significant look. "I trust you boys."

Nigel chuckles and says, "Let's go get the boxes from the attic."

That in itself is its own adventure, and they definitely get distracted by some of Phil's old toys that are up there. 

The lights are the worst part, and Nigel stays to help them. It's difficult and frustrating, and Phil has ten thumbs which is both endearing and incredibly frustrating. Still, Dan does end up laughing a lot, and eventually the string of lights is arranged correctly so Nigel leaves them to it.

They've picked through the decorations and sorted them into Yes, No, and Maybe piles. Dan is hanging a fairly gaudy angel ornament that Phil insisted belonged in the Yes-pile when Phil stops and looks at him.

"You're not bored, right?"

"Phil. What are you talking about? This is great," Dan says and forces himself to mean it.

Phil grins. "Yeah? Did you decorate your tree already?"

Dan shrugs. "Nah." 

He doesn't have the heart to tell Phil that no one at his house has had any thought of even procuring a tree yet. Surely it is bound to be yet another mad scramble to a supermarket parking lot sale on the evening of the 24th or something.

"You get to do this twice this year," Phil says, as if it is a treat he is genuinely envious of.

"Yeah, I guess I do," Dan says and feels some kind of affection bloom in his chest then. He checks behind him and then slips close to give Phil a quick kiss.

"What was that for?" Phil says, looking a bit charmed and taken aback.

"No reason," Dan smirks and goes back to look at the remaining ornaments.

Phil's parents approve their work in lauding tones when they call them back in, and Kathryn offers them freshly baked cookies as reward.

"Now, tell me which ones you like best, Daniel," she says. "I need to know which ones to make plenty of. The two of you could eat the whole tin in one sitting if I let you!" 

It makes him feel oddly warm inside and sad at the same time. Even though she's just being nice to the guy Phil is doing "all that YouTube stuff" with, it still makes him feel noticed and welcomed. 

*

It's just a contrast to how he feels with his own family, who aren't nearly as understanding about YouTube, especially when he mentions that he has to leave once more before Christmas.

"Are you sure all that travelling is really going to be worth it?" his mum asks with a sharp, doubtful expression. She's sitting by the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea.

"Mum, I just told you. I'm trying to make a go of it. There is actually money in it if you know how to do it right. It can be like a job." He leans back against the counter and crosses his arms across his chest.

"Right. And did you ever stop to consider that maybe you'd still have your actual weekend job if you'd been leaving it less to do YouTube?"

It stings. He doesn't let it show. 

"That's not what it was," he mumbles. "Anyway, thought you'd be pleased that I'm not just sitting around on my bum."

"Oh, I am. Yeah, I tell all my friends. My Daniel isn't just sitting around on his bum. He's off to the North of England every other bleeding moment making video recordings for the Internet. No sitting around for him."

Dan rolls his eyes. "Alright."

"How does he pay for train tickets? Oh, the Internet pays him! Or it will soon, any minute now."

"I said alright."

His phone buzzes. 

Phil: I just bought your present! <:D

It makes his heart literally sink in his chest.

Dan: :(

Phil: What?

Dan: im literally skint phil

Phil: :(

Phil: It's all those train tickets :/ I told you it was my turn to visit you.

His stomach twists uncomfortably.

Dan: and i told you why that is not going to happen

"You're always on that bloody phone," his mum says.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "It's…"

"Those people on the Internet. I gathered. It seems there's always a conversation there that's more important than what's going on right here."

He puts his phone down and glares at her. "And what's going on here, then? What other aspect of my life did you want to criticise next?"

"Daniel," she sighs.

"Don't 'Daniel' me," he mutters and leaves to go to his room.

Phil: You don't have to get me anything, you know <3

Dan: i am getting you a fucking xmas present 

Phil: Ooh, a fucking one?

He can't help but quirk a smile at that.

Dan: perv

Phil: Arf

It helps and it doesn't really. The fact remains that he _is_ out of a job, and he _does_ spend a lot money on train tickets. But he doesn't want any of that to affect Phil. Phil loves Christmas, and Dan doesn't want to ruin that for him.

*

The biggest difference between the Lester family's Christmas and that of Dan's family is probably how secular it is. 

There's no talk there of going to church during the holidays, and it eases some tension that Dan didn't know he'd been holding. He had tried carefully asking Phil if they had any plans for going to services, but Phil had just sounded confused.

Dan's nana means well, but there's something weirdly ominous to him about the explicitly Christian fairtrade chocolate calendar with an ethnically accurate baby Jesus that she has bought for Adrian. The backs of the little flaps have overtly pious sayings like, "Joy to the world" and "Behold the lamb of God". They make him feel guilty and excluded, even though he has long since stopped wanting to be included in anything Christian. Maybe he just feels guilty because it reminds him of how he doesn't believe any of that crap anyway.

Still it makes something stir in him to sit in the lounge next to Kathryn's little nativity display eating the cookies that she saved for him. 

The situation reminds him of home and childhood, but there's no insecurity here. Kathryn and Nigel and Phil all make it feel as if things are as they always have been, with no chance of anything changing unpredictably at any moment.

They talk comfortably, familiarly, about everything and nothing, and yet it catches Dan completely off guard when Phil turns the topic of conversation to the Christmas adventure.

"And you'll help us, right, mum? You promised you'd be the villain."

Dan almost thinks his stomach drops, but surely that's too dramatic. He is just surprised, that's all. 

But Kathryn just laughs and says, "Alright, I think I did promise."

And that's how Dan learns that not only will he be in Phil's Christmas adventure, he will have to act in front of Phil's mum. It is mildly terrifying. 

It only becomes more terrifying later when they're alone in Phil's room and Phil says, "Oh, by the way. I have to tell you. I think they suspect. About us."

Dan looks up from his laptop to stare at Phil in horror. Now he knows what it actually feels like when your stomach drops. It feels like its fallen straight into the foot of snow that's covering everything outside the window.

"What? What makes you say that?"

"Dunno," Phil shrugs. "They were just commenting on how you'd been here kind of a lot lately. And then they asked wouldn't you be more comfortable sleeping downstairs in the games room instead of the couch in here."

Dan puts his laptop down on the bed. His hands feel clammy. His mouth dry. "And what did you say?"

Phil shrugs again. He's leaned back in his desk chair, doing a terrible job of looking relaxed and casual. "I just said we'd be more comfortable up here."

"We? You said 'we'?"

"Look." Phil leans forward suddenly, reaching out to wrap his fingers around Dan's. His hands are cool and dry, not clammy and overheating like Dan's. "It's not a big deal. I think… I think they're fine with it. You know?"

Dan nods and tangles their fingers absentmindedly. "Right. I kind of think so too, actually."

Phil smiles at him.

"But Jesus Christ, Phil, couldn't you have waited until after we'd done filming to tell me? Now I have to face down your mum, knowing she knows what we get up to." 

"Are you blushing?" Phil laughs.

"No," Dan scoffs, but he definitely is. He thinks he might be flushing all over. It's a weird kind of panicky sensation because it's dulled by something he doesn't know how to describe or identify. It's not a big deal. It's not.

"Hey," Phil says, voice deep and quiet. "We're fine."

"Yeah," Dan says. He scoots forward, hooking an arm around Phil's neck and knocking their knees together in the process. Phil tumbles forwards, bracing himself with his hands on Dan's thighs, and Dan kisses him. It's a thorough, lingering kind of kiss that lets him hide for a little while and get used to this new reality without Phil's eyes on him. 

Of course the new reality turns out to be very similar to the old one. By the time Phil turns on the camera and puts in him in front of a cat-ears-wearing Kathryn, Dan is sort of dazed by all the things that have happened. 

*

On the morning of the 24th they sneak back into Phil's room after breakfast, because Phil is vibrating to make sure they exchange presents before Dan has to leave.

"Who shall go first?" Phil says excitedly as he bounces onto the bed.

Dan laughs. "Gee, I dunno, Phil, should it be one with the least patience?"

"I have patience!"

Dan laughs again. "Alright."

"I do!"

"If you say so."

"I'll show you patience!"

"Would you?" Dan teases.

Phil gives him the stink eye. "Do you have any complaints?"

Dan gives in. He can't resist that pout for long. "Nah. You're fine."

"Fine," Phil huffs and settles on the bed, one leg folded under him and the other hanging off the side.

Dan quickly grabs his two meagre offerings out of his suitcase and joins him, crossing his legs on his bed spread. 

Phil rummages under the bed and brings out a dauntingly large box-shaped present. "I can't wait for you to open this," he bubbles.

"Okay, you are definitely going first, then," Dan says. "Mine aren't actually any good."

"You got me presents? As in plural?" Phil says, voice and eyebrows rising in unison.

Dan snorts. "Don't worry, they're both shit." 

Phil frowns. "Bet they're not."

“I didn’t have any money,” Dan says warningly.

“It’s the thought that counts,” Phil says with a flick of his hand, eyeing the presents hungrily. 

Dan scoffs. “You say that now. Wait till you see what I got you.” His nerves are going bonkers, jittering through his fingers and toes so he can barely sit still. 

“Dan.” Phil rests a hand on top on his. “I don’t actually care about the presents.” He looks sweet and earnest, and it makes Dan want to cry.

The ghost of words written in snow hover at the back of his mind, but he can't let himself think about them right now.

“Alright, Mariah,” he says and rolls his eyes.

Phil laughs and takes his hands back, resting them in his lap and looking expectantly at him.

“Go on then,” Dan says despairingly and hands over the two parcels, one small and lumpy, the other flat and soft and floppy. 

"Which one first?" Phil says.

Dan shrugs, pulse thumping. "I dunno, the big one is more of a joke, really."

Phil glances up at him and takes it, putting the small one to the side. He doesn't muck about with the wrapping, digging his fingers in and tearing the paper like it's a bag of crisps. The white t-shirt flops out onto his lap.

"Is that… your t-shirt?"

Dan squirms. "It's the one you said was your favourite."

Phil picks it up and shakes it out. "Oh my god, it is," he breathes, pupils actually dilating a little. Dan would certainly be lying if he said that wasn't extremely gratifying to watch. Phil trains a sharp eye on him. "Is it really mine?"

"Yeah, if you want it, it was just a joke."

"You're never getting this back," he warns. "Not even to borrow. It's mine now." He buries his face in the fabric and groans a little. Then he pulls back and looks at it again. "Did you wash it?"

"No, I gave you my dirty t-shirt. Yeah, I washed it," Dan says incredulously.

"Well, maybe you can have it back for just a bit," Phil says.

Dan stares at him and laughs in wonder. "Ew."

Phil just pokes his tongue out at him. Then he sobers a little. "Thank you. I love it."

"Alright, get the other one," Dan grumbles.

Phil laughs and picks up the small, lumpy present. It doesn't have string around it, only a comically big stick-on bow. It looks exactly as ratty as it is. He opens this one slightly more carefully, maybe because the weight of it is so light.

The bauble slips out of the paper and into Phil's cupped hand.

"It's a Christmas ornament!" Phil exclaims. He is clearly surprised, but even though Dan scans his face carefully for any sign of disappointment, he sees only pure delight. 

"It has a crazy Christmas cat on it," Dan says and helpfully turns the bauble. The cat is stamped on like a sticker. It has a Cheshire-like grin on its face, and it has been gaudily accentuated with glitter in a rainbow of colours. It is quite atrocious if Dan says so himself.

Phil laughs and covers his mouth with his free hand, eyes closing completely with mirth, body rocking back on the bed. "Oh! I see! Oh, it's so… great!" He sits back up and finally stops laughing.

"I thought maybe next year it could go on the tree," Dan mumbles.

Phil's face darkens. He leans forward, drawing Dan in by the back of his neck, and plants a hard, wet kiss right on his mouth.

"Absolutely," he murmurs, blue eyes mere inches away from Dan's own. Dan gives a wobbly smile. "But I'm not actually planning on still being in my mum's house by next Christmas!" Phil says and shudders theatrically.

"Then you can put it on your own tree," Dan shrugs. "In your own apartment."

"Yeah!" Phil says, beaming at him. "We'll start a collection. This'll be the first one!"

Dan ignores the way Phil's casual use of 'we' makes him feel. He knows he sort of started it with his talk of next Christmas, but Phil's comments somehow take it to the next level. It seems too dizzying to him to contemplate the two of them, a full year from now, decorating a Christmas tree together in Phil's future apartment.

"Thank you," Phil says. "I love my presents." He hugs the t-shirt to his chest for show and Dan rolls his eyes at him, but he knows he's smiling like an idiot. He almost doesn't want to admit how relieved he feels that Phil understood the point of the presents he has been agonising over for weeks now.

"Okay," Phil says. "Now you!" 

He hands over the fairly large almost cubic box with a bright grin. Dan holds it in his hands for a bit, just feeling the weight of it. He studies the paper, which has wreaths on it, and the absolutely godawful wrapping job Phil has made of it. 

The box, which is peeking through from under the insufficient paper, seems to contain some kind of toy. He frowns in wonder as he gently peels the paper back to reveal a plush tonberry.

He stares at Phil, mouth hanging open.

"D'you like it?" Phil smiles.

"Do I… Phil! You got me a tonberry!?" 

"Yeah," Phil laughs. "I remember you were talking about them that one time and how you said they were actually kind of cute and cuddly."

"You…" Dan casts his mind back, trying desperately to remember what he ever said about tonberries. He remembers talking to Phil about Final Fantasy, obviously, and he knows what he thinks of the little creatures, but he has no recollection of ever actually telling Phil. "I say a lot of shit."

"I listen," Phil shrugs.

Dan stares at him some more. Then he lunges across the bed, tackling Phil who screams and cackles. Dan sits astride his stomach and peers down at him. "People usually just tell me to shut up." 

"Not me," Phil says, pushing his chin out, eyes dark on Dan. 

Dan bends down to kiss him. He kisses him, and kisses him, and Phil's hands come up to cradle his hips, lips answering every touch from Dan's gamely. 

"I. Can't. Believe," Dan says, punctuating every word with a kiss, "You. Got. Me. A fucking. Tonberry. For. Christmas!" He hides his face against Phil's neck and pushes his arms under his back and squeezes until Phil groans.

"Alright," Phil says breathlessly so Dan lets up a little. "I take it you like it, then."

Dan sits back to look down at him again. "I love it. It's the best present anyone has ever got me. Thank you." He says the last words softly, unable to resist diving down for one more kiss, this one long and lingering. 

Phil brushes a hand across his cheek, and Dan feels it all over his body. He shudders and Phil sighs.

"We best get back downstairs," Phil says regretfully.

This heavy feeling is both familiar and new to Dan. 

Christmas blues are definitely nothing new, but this feels… regretful. All the events of the last three days crowd in on him as he sits for one final time and has a cup of tea with the Lesters, and he realises with surprise that he doesn't want to leave.

There's some comfortable chatter that he can't really take part in for wishing he could keep taking part in it for the rest of the holidays.

When he says goodbye, Kathryn pulls him into a hug with no hesitation, and Nigel clamps a warm steady hand on his shoulder and gives him a grin. It feels easy to smile at them and genuinely wish them a merry Christmas.

*

The buoyancy he feels doesn't quite take him through saying goodbye to Phil, but it does pick him back up again easily when Phil calls him very early on Christmas morning.

"Happy Christmas, Dan," he says into Dan's ear, and it's lower and sweeter than Dan was expecting. Phil hasn't woken up enough to be truly hyper yet.

Dan buries his grin in the pillow. "Mm, happy Christmas."

"Did you get any presents yet?"

"You literally just woke me up. So yes. I got the best present."

"What? What did you get?" Phil says stupidly, sleepy voice still expressing excitement.

"A fucking tonberry, idiot," Dan says.

"Oh," Phil laughs.

Dan wakes up a bit more because he remembers what he wanted to do today. "I actually have one more present for you. But you're going to have to wait a bit. I haven't recorded it yet."

"You're making me a video?" Phil says, and he sounds more awake as well. "A YouTube video?"

"No, a private video," Dan says sarcastically. "Of course a YouTube video. What'd you think?"

"Hmm, private video might be nice," Phil rumbles, and Dan lets himself shudder because no one is around to see how easy he is. 

"You're such a fucking perv," he says, voice brimming with affection. 

Phil huffs a laugh into his ear. "You love it."

"Love you," Dan corrects him and then lies staring at the ceiling, feeling his pulse thud in his throat.

"Love you too, Dan," Phil says. He makes it sound easy, natural. 

Dan lets himself feel it, bubbling through his system. It feels amazing.

"God, Christmas makes us sappy as fuck," he huffs.

Phil laughs. "I guess it does."

> "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not one of those people that hates Christmas because I'm really cool. No, I love Christmas! It's my favourite day." -Dan, What did YOU get for Christmas? (Dec 25 2009)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. [Like/reblog on tumblr.](https://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com/post/189721173305)


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